When one door opens, another one…shuts?

It seems life is in constant change. One minute you’re living a comfortable, regular life with normal, American things. The next minute you wake up to find out…

Your little girl has this rare, life-threatening skin disease, and your whole world crashes in, and you can’t do anything else but fight for her life. OR you’re a mother of children you have raised to be bold and go after thier dreams, only to realize their dreams are, unfortunately, geographically far away from you. OR if you’re me, realizing you’re supposed to move across the world because you can’t see yourself doing anything else but worshiping in “pockets around the world.” It was literally that quick. It happened in a moment. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

These last few months have been anything but easy. But I have never felt more sure of my calling. And it’s not because anybody has reassured me of it. It’s a call. And it was my turn to answer it. When you receive a gift from God, you have three options: hide it, use it for the wrong reasons, or the worst, get uncomfortable.

I made up my mind a long time ago I was going to do what nobody else was doing, and worship when nobody else was worshiping. But when life is constantly closing doors, are you still going to choose to worship alone? And after your lifeless faith has failed you and you become discouraged, will you still go into places that are dark and scary hoping that God is still there shining his marvelous light? I guess that is what I am doing.

I have a testimony that will light up nations, shake down strongholds, and bind up the enemy’s lies where he has said “This nation is mine.” It’s not what you think. These places aren’t hopeless. These people aren’t dead. They’re waiting for a King to come and rescue them. They’re waiting for me to tell them about Him.


I’ve been told I wouldn’t raise the money by May, and that I couldn’t go. I tried anyway. I made it. I missed deadlines and reached new ones. My monthly goal has been above and dropped back down below. I’ve totaled the car I was using these last few weeks home and been out of thousands of dollars between plane tickets, unexpected add-ons, and so many other things I can’t even think of anymore, because if I think too much about it, I don’t focus on what I should be focused on. People have let me down that I thought I could count on, others have stepped in and went above and beyond. It takes people who are willing to plunge through the fiery gates of hell in prayer in order to see you succeed. But if there is anything I’ve learned over this period, it’s that prayer without works is truly dead, but I’m so grateful to be surrounded by such an amazing family that throws away discouragement, doesn’t let me quit, and inspires me to win.

And I’ve learned how to fight. How do you prove if you really want something? What do you do when you literally “sell all your possessions to buy the field,” only to realize the field isn’t ready for you yet? To realize your possessions weren’t enough…to realize it was your heart that really needed to be surrendered. So I fought. And then I felt defeated. But I fought again. Defeated. Gave up a couple times. God came through. He’s faithful when I’m not. He’s bigger than my heart. He wants me to succeed more than I do. Because it’s His dream I’m going after.


How do I know this is really what I want? Because I can’t stop chasing it. It won’t let me. He won’t let me. So even though it seemed like every time I could see the light beaming through the door, a different door would slam shut, I couldn’t take my gaze off of him. I couldn’t abandon what He had worked so hard in me to build: a surrendered heart.

I still have a long ways to go. I can physically say that I get to now sell it all and move across the world for my Jesus. But He’s still working on my heart. I still want to be able to say that my heart is as surrendered as my life looks. And it’s a work in progress. But I’m growing to love it. The closer I get to a surrendered heart, the closer I get to Him. And that’s exactly where I want to be.


This is just a preview of what’s to come. If you would like to subscribe to my monthly newsletters, please leave me your email. 

I still have money left to raise to reach my total. If you would like to give to this mission, go to acts.global/support and use the ID code: A44265S


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